Don't Drink the Water!

Editor’s Note: While I continue to search for O’Malley and his well over due article, I decided to re-publish a post from his father. The senior O’Malley made quite the name for himself during the Spanish-American war. It is also quite evident that the proverbial apple did not fall far from the tree.

O’Malley here and I am not dead yet. Things had quieted down a bit in Havana and I, dear readers, decided to go in search of some action just for you. Grabbing my trusty Browning Autographic Camera and saying my farewells to the dusky little jewel who’s husband was banging on my cabana door. I quickly strolled to the docks as fast as my legs could take me. It seems the locals haven’t quite gotten on board with the new American-Cuban relations.

At first, dear readers, I was barred entry to the boat. The Marine Sergeant told me the boat was headed to Nicaragua and they had all the riff raff on board they needed. I shouted... "The American public has a right to know!", and slipped him a bottle of rum and off I was to the steamy jungles of Nicaragua, nothing is too good for you dear readers. It seems that a local yokel by the name of Emilio Sandista and his rag tag band of “Sandinista rebels” was stirring up the populace over some elections. The American consulate had been surrounded and it was up to the Marines to cut their way through the Jungle to the capital city of Managua and rescue the hapless inhabitants.

Once off the coast the Marines jumped into some boats and made their way to the small seaside port of Chichigalpa. Their plan was to “borrow” the local Steam Engine and ride into Managua. The Marines were led by a Stalwart young lad by the name of Chesty Puller. Things got off to a rocky start as one of the boats loaded with cannons was sunk by the shore battery. The Marines landed on the docks and quickly stormed into the small village.





They came under desultory fire from a few fiends hiding in the bush but the crack shooting of the Marines quickly saw them high tailing it through the brush. Another company of Marines faced off against a band of Rebels and some Mexican regulars who arrived on the last Local. They had with them crates of modern rifles and ammunition which they had been supplying the rebels with. With a shout like wild Indians the Marines stormed across the square and chased off the rebels and slammed into the Mexican regulars.



Meanwhile on the other side of town a company of Marines started to bottle up the Nicaraguan army in the local abbey. Things got a little dicey for our boys in blue as the Mexicans provided some much needed backbone.



Just when things seemed to be grave the sound of cavalry trumpets resounded through the hot sticky air. Once again it was the cavalry to the rescue.




Unfortunately, the cavalry was caught by surprise when came through the brush only to find a battery of cannons staring right at them.



However, this distraction was all that was needed to allow the Marines to storm the citadel and capture the town.





The Marines are left to lick their wounds and wait for re-enforcements. I have taken to establishing relations with the locals. As always readers, you can count on me to bring you all the action, Hot and Heavy!

Nick Travers and the Cult of the Monkeys Paw Episode 2

O’Malley here and I’m not dead yet. After a heated discussion with my editor on relationships with under age girls I find myself deep in the jungles of the Congo hot on the trail of the intrepid Nick Travers. (Note to editor: Please tell your daughter I wish her a Happy Birthday)

Once again our brave Nick Travers find himself battling Jungle Natives in an effort to rescue the lovely Priscilla Knobsknockers. Regular readers of this column will remember that Priscilla was dragged off through the jungle by ferocious man eating gorillas. After and exhaustive search through the jungle he was able to locate a small village were the apes took the young girl. It appears the apes and the villagers were under the influence of Nick’s old nemesis “The Spectre”.

Nick quickly ascertained that “The Spectre” was up to no good and vowed to do something about it after he had freed Priscilla from the clutches of the whooping natives.

Back at the hotel, were I was busily working the barmaid over for information, Nick was gathering forces to go with him to get Priscilla back. The G-men had also gotten word of “The Spectres” presence and had sent in additional forces to deal directly with him.

Nick arrived at the Native village just in time as they were just bringing out Priscilla to drag her to the top of their temple to sacrifice her to their evil god. Nick and the marines barged into the village and started kicking in doors to locate the screaming dame.

Unfortunately, for our hero the wily natives had snuck her out the back way and were making tracks through the jungle. Just then around the bend a patrol of Germans came into view. Thinking they were under attack by the natives they opened up on the unsuspecting natives with a fearsome volley. Fortunately for the natives the Germans all shot high. Unfortunately, for the Germans the natives were much more accurate with their spears as they dropped several of the Germans. The Marines hearing the rifle fire started to open up as well. Lead was flying and so was I. I quickly jumped into some bushes to get a better view, but I must have hit my head because I could have sworn that I saw corpses rise up out of the ground and start attacking the Marines.

The Germans thinking it was some sort of ambush took up positions as their van driver caromed toward cover. With the skills and reflexes of a racer he threw that van into the opening of a cave the natives revered as the symbol of their god.

Meanwhile on the other side of the village the daring members of the Rocketeers had started an all out assault on the lair of “The Spectre”. However, the vile creatures were lying in wait and opened up on them with their gats driving the Rocketeers off. It seems that “The Spectre” had created a nerve agent that would turn unsuspecting people into mindless zombies and the Rocketeers were sent to blow it up. According to the mindless ramblings of the survivor they were attacked by “zombies” and ripped to shreds.

Back at the cave entrance the German driver, later identified as one Michael Schoomaker, was rocketing through the cave mouth when he was attacked by more of the “zombies”. Losing control as he slammed on the brakes he spun around several times before slamming into the back of “The Spectre’s” lair where it exploded in a fiery ball. Luckily for all of us the drums containing the nerve agent were scattered and did not explode. The remaining Rocketeer shot into the cave mouth and set his explosive collapsing the cave mouth in on “The Spectre” and his crew forcing them to use their escape door in the back. Using his rocket he then zoomed to the back and kept up a hail of lead on the sinister crew as they attempted to load the remaining drums of agent and a chest of loot into their truck. Nevertheless, he was beaten back by a pack of howling zombies.

Just at that time Nick and the Marines were chasing the natives through the jungle at break neck speeds when eventually the pursued them back out into the open. Half of the squad of Marines had stayed back and opened up on the Natives as they broke across the open ground. It was then that Nick was able to barge in grab poor Priscilla from her captors and make good his escape.

Trouble is still brewing as “The Spectre” made good his escape with the leader of the German troopers in tow. The Rocketeer with the aid of Nick and the Marines rounded up the stragglers and are even now plotting on a way to capture “The Spectre” before he can unleash his evil nerve agent. As always dear reader you can count on me to bring you all of the action as it happens, HOT and HEAVY!

The Cast

Nick Pics

O'Malley here and I'm not dead yet. I just got some more pics developed in my dark room and thought I would share them with you...Enjoy!

Nick Travers and the Cult of the Monkeys Paw

Dateline: Deep in the Jungles of the Congo

O’Malley here and I am not dead yet! I would like to thank my editor for yet another wonderful outing to this far corner of the earth. (Note to editor-some gentleman will be calling looking for my “rent” money, I would suggest just paying them) Once again I have joined forces with the intrepid Nick Travers as he braves the primitive jungle in search of his lovely fiancée Priscilla Nobsnockers and her father Dr. Leo Nobsnockers, inventor of the gyro-compass.




Things started looking bleak from the start as our hero quickly found himself surrounded by natives as he sped down the road.



As the spears and bullets flew, Nick’s chum, “The Sarge” expertly maneuvered the car through the jungle at break neck speeds. I slid down to the floor and got behind a blanket so as to stay out of the way of our intrepid little band. Meanwhile, Capt. Barnes USNA led a squad of sailors and marines as they strained to keep up with Nick and his crew. From the back of the truck Capt. Barnes could be heard preaching to the natives the error of their ways from the back of the careening truck. I do believe that a few of his men, having gotten caught up in the stirring lecture, accidentally squeezed off a few rounds in the direction of the natives. This did seem to put a damper on their enthusiasm to be further baptized.



As the sound of the war drums and chanting grew fainter, we began to relax until out of the jungle burst a man ape creature of enormous pre-portions.

I tried to get a shot with my trusty brownie auto-graphic camera, but my hands were shaking so much from the bumpy road I was unable to get a focused shot so I slipped back behind the blanket. These jungle beasts ripped through the jungle like a steam shovel, hurling man and trees like mere toys. One of them got a-hold of the truck the men were in and proceeded to flip it over. Just then another creature of enormous pre-portions hurtled out of the brush and into the back of the truck.

It grabbed one of the brave sailors in its toothy maw and began to shake him fiercely. I can still hear his screams as I pound out this column. Fortunately, the whiskey and this lovely young barmaid have helped ease my mind. Back at the ancient temple Nick and his chums had managed to finally gain entrance to the Monolithic temple only to find that dastardly duo Boris and Natasha had already beaten him there.

Worst of all those gargantuan gorillas had also arrived and were tossing cultists around like rag dolls. To make matters worse they had just scooped up Priscilla and Natasha and were headed out the back of the Temple. Nick raced up the stairs flinging fleeing cultists to their dooms from atop the dizzying heights of the temple proper. Alas, he was too late. All he could see was the bouncing golden locks of his love Priscilla as she was carried off by one of the great apes.

I have been scouring this bar for hours looking for some brave souls to accompany Nick on his foolhardy mission to rescue Priscilla. I only hope that I haven’t missed him on his way out of town as I sit to write this column, and have another whiskey or two. As always Dear Readers you can be assured that I will bring you all of the action…, Hot and Heavy.

The Dark Continent

O'Malley here and I'm not dead yet!

I would like to thank the state for my brief vacation at their lovely facilities. I'm not sure what they put in the food but things were so relaxing and everyone was so friendly. I would also like to thank Polly Pureheart for filling in for me, readers will be glad to hear that her hard hitting reporting has won her an expense paid vacation to exotic locales. I'm not sure were she was headed but I over heard the Editor saying something about a slow boat to China, so I'm guessing she will be our new Far East Correspondent.

Meanwhile I will take up were she left off. Seems our good friend Dr. Nobsknockers, inventor of liquid berrilium, has disappeared in the Jungles of the Congo. This reporter has it on good authority that the last message received from the good Dr. made mention of a startling discovery and that more info would be made available soon. That was nearly 3 months ago and now word yet from that primitive land.

I have suggested to my employer that I would be happy to get of town for a spell. It seems some of my associates have been anxiously awaiting my release as they want to discuss some past financial ventures we were involved in together. He has booked me passage on a steamer headed for the Dark Continent, knowing him I am sure that it will be only the finest of accomodations as no expense is to be spared for his top reporter.

I have only recently discovered that Capt. Nick Travers is also headed to Africa as well. Rest assured dear readers I will bring you all the action as it develops Hot and Heavy!

Greed Goes Gorilla Gathering

Dr. Leo Nobsknockers noted anthropologist has bee awarded a grant from the New York Museum of Natural History and the Rockefeller Foundation. Dr. Nobsknockers will travel to the West Coast of Africa where he will head into the mountainous region of the Congo Jungle to study the African Silver Back Gorilla and other related mammals in an effort to further understand these fascinating beasts.

Dr. Nobsknockers will spend the next few months in preparation for the expedition. Currently he is in Washington DC to recruit his team from noted members of the Smithsonian Institute of Science. He will also travel to Texas and California to handpick other members of this team. This reporter is somewhat suspect of some of the team members under consideration as they appear to be noted Oil drillers and riggers employed by subsidiary companies of the Standard Oil Corporation. The good Dr. claims that their expertise in geology and mountainous terrain is why they are under consideration for the team.

Furthermore, this reporter has uncovered documents that list the other minor members of the team and a manifest which seem to indicate that this expedition being funded by the Rockefeller Corporation is for more than philanthropic reasons. I suspect that Standar Oil has a distinct commercial interest in the Dark Continent. What they are after I have yet to uncover? Readers of my column know that I will not rest until I have uncovered the true motivations of big business in this endeavor.

Polly Pureheart