3/22/2006

Greed Goes Gorilla Gathering



Dr. Leo Nobsknockers noted anthropologist has bee awarded a grant from the New York Museum of Natural History and the Rockefeller Foundation. Dr. Nobsknockers will travel to the West Coast of Africa where he will head into the mountainous region of the Congo Jungle to study the African Silver Back Gorilla and other related mammals in an effort to further understand these fascinating beasts.

Dr. Nobsknockers will spend the next few months in preparation for the expedition. Currently he is in Washington DC to recruit his team from noted members of the Smithsonian Institute of Science. He will also travel to Texas and California to handpick other members of this team. This reporter is somewhat suspect of some of the team members under consideration as they appear to be noted Oil drillers and riggers employed by subsidiary companies of the Standard Oil Corporation. The good Dr. claims that their expertise in geology and mountainous terrain is why they are under consideration for the team.

Furthermore, this reporter has uncovered documents that list the other minor members of the team and a manifest which seem to indicate that this expedition being funded by the Rockefeller Corporation is for more than philanthropic reasons. I suspect that Standar Oil has a distinct commercial interest in the Dark Continent. What they are after I have yet to uncover? Readers of my column know that I will not rest until I have uncovered the true motivations of big business in this endeavor.

Polly Pureheart

2/15/2006

Episode 4 of Nick and The Evil Dr. Fraile

Dateline: Boma, The Congo river Delta

O’Malley here and I’m not dead yet!

I have just landed in yet another beautiful tourist spot here on the West Coast of Africa, as always it is hotter here than Atlanta when Sherman marched through it. Grabbing my trusty Kodak No. 2 Folding Autographic Brownie I jumped off the steamer and searched for a good spot from which I could photograph the action. I quickly met a young local girl on the street corner who was more than helpful. She led me to her apartment were I got a great view of the local hot spots, and all for a reasonable price. (Note to editor I need you to wire an advance for my story. It seems I have contracted a local malady which the missionary here assures me can be cured with a shot, but they require a “donation”.) Soon after the negotiations for the room rate had been settled the action in the street really intensified.

The local Belgian authorities here have recently allowed some good ol’ American boys to come in and start drilling for Texas Tea. This commercial interest apparently agitated the local rabble-rousers as a tribe of Tuaregs has been causing all manner of unrest in this little backwater burg. Not ones to be bullied by the indigenous population the local constabulary grabbed the chief of these troublemakers a certain Bay-ag-Akhamok and threw him in the slammer. Well, just as yours truly was getting settled in to his “accommodations”, the locals tried to bust ol’ Akhamok out of the pokey. And, just as their type will do, they decided a little looting and mischief was in order while they were at it.

The first bit of business was to run the American boys out of town.

Unfortunately for them they ran into some real roughnecks who gave them what for. The American boys were led by a no nonsense veteran named “Sarge” O’Banyon. “Sarge” was not about to be run out of town that easy. The Americans pulled out their gats and showed them Tuaregs how we ran the redskins out of the Wild West.


At one point “Sarge” was surrounded by 3 of the brutes on horseback. With trick shooting and American grit he brought all three of them down.
One of his boys had managed to get their truck started and was headed back to town. “Sarge” seeing this jumped into the back of the truck and continued to unhorse the brigands with his trusty Colt.


Meanwhile back in town, Nick Travers the Great American Hero, and some sailors had accompanied the beautiful Priscilla Nobsknockers into town to locate her father.

Nick had it on good authority that the Evil Dr. Fraile had brought Professor Leo Nobsknockers, inventor of the transmogrification device, here in an attempt to catch a steamer back to Austria. As always our boys were greeted with the utmost enthusiasm from the local population.

As our boys commenced searching house-to-house looking for the cowardly madman they ran smack into the middle of the jailbreak. Lead was flying everywhere as the Tuareg raiders shot at anything that moved. The Belgians were all forced back into their compound and things looked bleak until one of their men appeared on the roof with an automatic rifle which bought them a brief respite. Unfortunately, the sheer numbers of raiders overwhelmed the little garrison and the Tuaregs gained the outer courtyard.

The Americans were in a desperate struggle themselves as they fought their way through the Tuaregs to each house looking for the Evil Dr. Fraile’s hideout. Finally, one of the sailors located the correct house by running into the sharp end of one of the Madman’s scalpels. The Dr. then used his evil mind control power to confuse one of the other sailors and used him to fight off the others as he sought some means of escape. The Lunatic Dr. made it into the street and toward an automobile parked nearby. However the violence in the street was blocking all avenues of escape. Seeing no way out and knowing that even if he did escape he would not be able to get through all the raiders, the coward surrendered to Nick knowing that Nick would then be forced to get him to safety.

At the jail the constables were involved in some tight action, as the close quarters had forced the fight into hand-to-hand combat. Once again the large number of raiders decided the day as the Belgians fell to a man.

Seeing that there would no longer be anyone available to interview in that part of town, and my rental agreement with the young lady concluded, I decided it would be prudent to make for the boat. Where I could interview Nick and the Crackpot Doc uninterrupted by curious onlookers. Not wanting to interfere in the festivities being prepared by the newly installed administration of this little hamlet, I decided to slip out the back way. Lucky for me I did, as in honor of the new tenancy a local wine merchant was having some sort of inventory clearance sale. Not one to pass up a bargain I selected a few choice vintages. As the owner was preoccupied in assisting the new gendarmerie and unable to look up the prices for me I decided to leave a note detailing were I could be billed for my selection.

Back at the boat it seems that the local populace that greeted us so warmly was reluctant to see us shove off so soon. Unfortunately, the commander of our vessel accidentally discharged his revolver towards the onrushing well-wishers and they were reluctant to come closer to bid us farewell. Several of the high spirited lads took this for some sort of foreign farewell and answered back by discharging their weapons in the air. As we slipped down the river I could see the natives happily going about their daily lives and celebrating their newly found independence from the Belgian Colonial office.

Until next time readers! You can count on me to bring you all of the Action… Hot and Heavy!
















1/11/2006

Episode 3 of Nick and The Evil Dr. Fraile

Dateline: The shores of Lake Tanganyika, The Congo




O’Malley Here and I’m not dead yet. Having taken cover in the bush with my young native girl guide and my trusty Browning Autographic camera, I was in the perfect position to watch the action unfold. Nick Travers, Great American Hero, had been knocked unconscious by some hired gunsels in the employee of Boris and Natasha. The deadly duo had just slipped through a road block thrown up by our boys in an attempt to keep them from delivering the tanker load of X-19 a nerve gas that turns it’s victims into bloodthirsty zombies.

When out of the bush burst Pretty Priscilla Nobsknockers in her Ford roadster. It seems the dame got a little lost when some of her blonde locks got in her way and she missed a turn. Not being able to find anyone to offer assistance she continued to bowl her way through the bush in a vain attempt to find her men. Seeing her beloved Nick knocked cold she pulled over to offer assistance. Nick, having been aroused by the closeness of Priscilla, quickly jumped into the roadster and headed off after the dastardly duo.

Meanwhile the valiant men of the U.S. Rocket Corp where in a tight scrap having landed in the middle of The Evil Dr. Fraile’s asylum and becoming quickly surrounded by his mutant zombies. They desperately fought there way to the Good Professor Nobsknockers, inventor of the atomic neuralyzer, but the press of zombies was just too great. They decided to try to retreat and go for the Professor another day. Shouting their slogan “Stars and Stripes to the sky” the burst up into the wild blue yonder. Several of the men actually managed to escape the clutches of certain death at the hands of the zombies.

Nick and Priscilla where hot on the trail of the deadly duo, slowly they drew closer dodging wildlife as they careened down the narrow jungle road. One of the rocketeers spotted the wild race through the jungle and made a courageous effort to land on the tanker and take control of it. Unfortunately, a hired goon lying in wait on the top of the deadly vehicle threw him clear from the truck.


In desperation, Nick leaned from his vehicle and squeezed off a round blowing up the truckload of X-19 just as it reached the relative safety of the German airstrip.

Nick may have thwarted Boris and Natasha yet again but the Good Dr. Nobsknockers had once again slipped from his grasp. Upon return to the asylum, Nick and Priscilla discovered that her father and The Evil Dr. Fraile were nowhere to be found. It was just at this time that the father and a few of the brothers of my little jungle guide turned up looking to welcome me for dinner. Unfortunately, I did not want to miss any of the action for you, dear readers, so I quickly made my way to Nick's boat as it prepared to head up the lake in search of The Evil Dr. Fraile. My new found jungle friends followed me to the boat shouting words of sorrow as they saw me slip away. A few of them even threw some of their spears to me as parting gifts. Aah well, I make these sacrifices so that I can bring you all the action, Hot and Heavy.

1/03/2006

Bio: O'Malley





A newsman’s newsman born to Irish immigrants, O’Malley displays all of the unique traits that make the Irish so interesting. His years of outrunning gangsters to whom he owes money and jealous husbands have granted him an uncanny ability to get out of a tight spot almost as fast as he gets into one.

Since O’Malley is more comfortable in the seedier parts of town, he always seems to be where the action is. Never one to let the facts stand in the way of a good story, O’Malley’s stories always seem to be top sellers for the Daily Globe a fact not lost on his editor Jonah Brantley. This knack for top stories has garnered O’Malley the freedom to travel the globe in search of the big scoops.

It was on such a journey that O’Malley bumped into Capt. Nick Travers. Knowing a free ride when he saw one, O’Malley used his charms to win the confidence of Nick, which enabled him to stay close to the do-gooder. That and the fact that O’Malley always has his trusty Browning Autographic Camera with him and Nick Loves to have his picture taken have insured him of always being near Nick when trouble is brewing.